Tall, Dark and Handsome
by NeverMakesSense
Summary: Rin has always had a bad habit of listening in when he isn't supposed to. So when he hears that Shiemi has a thing for the "Tall, dark and handsome" type, he tried to deliver. Contains massive amounts of Rin's stupidity and lots of lovely fluff :)


**Hey, all of my Blue Exorcist fans! It's been awhile since I made a story for Rin and Shiemi, so I decided to type this up while the idea was boucing around in my head :)**

**Special thanks to **silvermoon23,** for being awesome and reminding me about my neglect!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Blue Exorcist. Very sad, I know.**

* * *

Ever since Rin was a little kid, he had a problem with eavesdropping on people. He didn't really know why he would, considering he would always get into trouble when he got caught, but throughout the years his habit wouldn't drop. This lead to a very long list of awkward and embarrassing situations, ranging from being found in the girls locker room in middle school (he swore they were talking about his manliness, so of course he had to listen in) to having to get his father dig him out of ten sacks of flour in the back of the pantry (what kid doesn't want to know what they were going to get for their birthday?). So, as he walked down the hall to the class room one fateful day, he should have known better than to stop and try to listen in on the conversation going on. However, bad habits die hard and this particular conversation involved one of his most favorite people: Shiemi. There was no way in hell he was going to stop listening in today.

"Come on, Shiemi," Izumo said, "tell us: What do you want in a boyfriend," Rin's ears perked up at the question. He pressed his ear to the door, eager to hear the blonde's answer. From the other side he heard some shuffling and a large gulp.

"Well," the sweet, melodic voice he loved replied, "in all of the books I read, the tall, dark and handsome kind always stood out," there was some more shuffling and giggling. Paku must have been with Izumo, because there was no way the grumpy tamer was having this light conversation with Shiemi all by herself. Rin almost fainted from this tidbit of information. He knew what kind of men she liked! This was an amazing find! Why had he ever thought that his habit of eavesdropping was a bad thing? He practically skipped down the hallway as he went back to his room with a goofy smile on his face. Now that he knew about Shiemi's type, he can make sure he lived up to the bill.

He was going to be Shiemi's dream man for sure.

* * *

All of the determination that had filled Rin not so long ago seemed to deflate out of him. He stared at the wall in front of him in disbelief. The measurements that kept reading out were consistently 68 inches, which had to be impossible. That means that he was shorter than Bon and his brother by two inches, and Shima by one. Though he wasn't sure what Shiemi's definition of 'tall' was, it was unacceptable that he was dwarfed by three of his friends. So, that meant that he had to grow two inches. Rin got up and started doing stretches, hopping up every few minutes to check his measurements.

"Rin? What are you doing?" Yukio walked into the room as Rin checked his height for the tenth time. Rin sat back down and frantically continued his stretching.

"I'm trying to get taller," he grunted. Yukio rubbed his temple and stepped back, as if his brother's stupidity was contagious.

"And you're trying to accomplish that by stretching," he deadpanned. Rin nodded and cursed at the wall again; the reading was still the same. All of a sudden, he felt something hit his head. Spinning around he found his brother digging through the back of their shared closet, throwing out random pieces of clothing in his search. He pulled out a package and threw it at his brother's face. Rin caught it and read the label.

"God dammit Yukio, my feet don't smell!" Rin yelled, throwing the package back at is brother, who rolled his eyes and opened it up. He put three of the odor removers in each of Rin's shoes and gestured for his twin to put them on. Cautiously, Rin followed his brother's orders. Yukio dragged Rin over to the wall and measured him.

"Look, now you're 71 inches," he threw his brother's tape measure at his head and walked out of the room, not wanting to stay within the fog of insanity any longer. Rin smiled like the Chesire cat, allowing for a victory screech before going back to the mission at hand.

Tall? Check.

* * *

"Hello, sir! How may I help you?" The receptionist at Sun's spRays greeted. Rin smiled nervously as he shot a glance behind him, paranoid that someone was watching him. He leaned forward and motioned for the girl to do the same.

"I want to be tan," he whispered, "you know, like tall, dark and handsome kind of tan?" The girl pulled back and looked at him strangely. Rin held up his hands as if to show her how pale he was; he was like a vampire, minus the girly sparkles. The girl clucked her tongue and shot him a pitying look.

"Girl, huh?" It wasn't as much as a question as it was a statement. Rin nodded and she patted his shoulder. "Don't worry hun, I'll help you out," she gestured for Rin to follow her in the back, and he cast one more look behind him before running after her. She led him to a giant wall with varying shades of brown, staring at it thoughtfully. As she was choosing, Rin held up his collar and cast a cautious glance around the room. He was sure he could feel a pair of eyes on him; he could never live it down if those eyes belonged to one of his friends. Just as he thought he saw a flash of flaming hair, his new friend decided on a bottle and dragged him further into the back to where the showers were. She pushed him into one and gave him about 30 seconds to undress before turning on the shower.

"Thanks!" He yelled out, getting a giggled response in return. Shrugging, he tried to forget where he was and instead focused on Shiemi.

(Meanwhile, outside of Rin's little Shiemi bubble)

"Sorry Sunny, I have some revenge to take care of," Shura set up her tanning buddy onto the reception desk to look like the poor woman was sleeping. She ran back to where her victim was getting undressed and switched the cans of paint from Sunny's choice to her can of sweet, sweet revenge. Years of experience allowed her to turn on the spray without a hitch.

"Thanks!" Called out her victim, to which she could only reply with a light giggle. That'll show Rin not to mess with her about her age.

Rin stared at his reflection, unsure whether to be happy or mortified. His receptionist friend, whose name turned out to be Sunny, had her hands covering her mouth. His skin wasn't really darker, it was more orange than anything. However, he remembered seeing some orange skinned people in a magazine once, so maybe it did turn out as planned.

"So, Sunny, tall, dark and handsome?" He asked hopefully. The girl nodded, almost frantically, and stuck an apologetic smile on her face.

"Hun, you're so handsome that this whole thing is free," she started to push him towards the back doors of the building. Confused, Rin followed her. "I wish you luck with that girl of yours," she patted him on the back and pointed him in the direction of the opening of the alley. With one last apologetic type smile and a flip of her blond hair, Rin was left to his own devices. Feeling good about himself, he started to run back to his room for the last stage of his transformation.

Dark? Check.

* * *

Okay, it was time for the final part of his plan. Rin wasn't sure if it was even possible to make himself more good looking than he already was, but he was going to make an effort for Shiemi's sake. He examined himself in the mirror, taking in his slightly disheveled clothes and unruly hair. _Well, maybe I do need to make more of an effort in my appearance, _he thought, beginning a search in his closet for some better clothes. His wardrobe was a bit limited in the fancy department. The only thing he had was an old suit, but upon closer inspection there appeared to be blood on it.

"WAIT, OF COURSE!" He dove into the back of the closet and dug for the only fashionable piece of clothing he had. He was almost swallowed by the pile, only the thoughts of Shiemi keeping him from giving into the abyss. Rin almost gave up when a flash of blue caught his eye. The perfect jacket was finally his. It was a bright blue, and when he put it on over his white shirt he popped his collar and stroke a pose.

"Definition of handsome," he smiled confidently.

Next was his hair. It had become rather long during his time at the cram school, and his long bangs barred his vision. He moved to grab some scissors to cut them off, but then the memory of the last time he tried to cut his own hair popped into his mind. When Rin was about eight he tried to cut his own hair in order to save his father some money. What had started as a simple trim turned into a hailstorm of his hair, and by the end of the day he ended up with three bald spots and five cuts on different parts of his face. It was a horrible day, one he was made fun of for the rest of his life. So, cutting his hair was out. However, he did have some hair gel that he stole from Bon a while back...

Handsome? Hell yeah.

* * *

Rin waited anxiously in Shiemi's garden. Her mother had went in to get her, though he was sure she was going to fall over from laughing so hard before she was able to retrieve her daughter. He wasn't sure what was so funny to her, so he had laughed along with her. Now, he was having a minor panic attack in his head. What if Shiemi laughed at him or was disgusted or hated him forever? Or, what if she was replaced by her evil twin and he didn't know and then he went out with the twin only to find out years later that she wasn't the real Shiemi and the real Shiemi was really mad at him-

"Rin?" A small, surprised voice called, breaking him from the infinite loop his mind was stuck in. Rin spun around with his best smolder look and struck a little pose in an attempt to look like the models in magazines. Not like he really needed a boost in his handsomeness, but any help would do.

"Hey, Shiemi," he greeted in his best suave voice. She stared at him for a moment in complete silence, probably in awe at his transformation. However, she then unleashed the most boisterous laugh he had ever heard. She fell to the ground, rolling around in her flowerbed while holding her stomach, as if her laughing was tearing her apart. "What's so funny?" Rin asked, genuinely confused. Shiemi drew in a couple of breaths to make her giggles fade away and faced him seriously.

"Why are you orange?" She asked.

"I'm not orange. This is a tan."

"Uh huh. And your hair is very...interesting, today," she was referring to his hair slicked back with some gel into what looked like an Elvis style hairdo. Well, maybe it was more than some gel...he ended up emptying the whole bottle because he wasn't sure about how much he needed. If the stuff was supposed to make you look good, then more was better, right?

"I'm just that handsome."

"Are you taller?"

"Nah, I've always been this tall," Rin took a moment to apologize for all of the lies he was telling.

"Rin," a giggle escaped from her mouth, "what is this all about?" Shiemi was standing so close to him, looking up from under her eyelids in the most adorable way possible. Rin started to feel sweat on his palms, so he inconspicuously wiped them on his pants before he moved to cross his arms.

"Nothing is going on," he took a step back to get away from her advances. Shiemi, usually not one of the most perceptive of people, though neither was Rin, was able to detect his lies like a mother who caught her kid with his hand in a cookie jar.

"Rin Okumura, don't you lie to me," She put her hands on her hips, trying to look intimidating but ended up having as much as an effect as an adorable kitten would.

"I'm not lying. You've just never noticed my regular _tall, dark and handsome_ self," he emphasized the phrase, as if that would make her realize that her dream man was standing right in front of her. Sadly, that wasn't what happened, exactly.

"Oh Rin, I have to tell you the truth," Rin snapped his head up, anticipating her confession of love. This was the moment he had been waiting for!

"You look really stupid," she deadpanned. All that could be heard was the echoing sound of his heart tearing into pieces. His suspicious feeling were proving correct, as was the rational part of his mind that had told him not to eavesdrop. Shiemi hated him and his ridiculous look.

"But, I'm tall," he gestured to the obvious height difference between them, "and dark," taking Shiemi's arm next to his, the difference between their skin tones was obvious, though Rin's skin was definitely more orange than bronze, "and handsome," he waved his hands in front of his face. The blonde's face went from confusion to wonder and ended on a snap of understanding.

"Oh, Rin, you idiot," she lightly hit Rin's arm, "don't you know? I like you just the way you are," Shiemi looked up at him and smiled his favorite smile before crushing him in an awkward hug. Blushing like a tomato Rin started to hug her back. However, life seems to hate our favorite demon boy, and so this little piece of heaven didn't last long. Shiemi started to pull Rin towards a section of her garden.

"Take off your clothes," she started to pull up the roots of some strange plant, not noticing the double meaning her words held. Rin's blush deepened but he followed her command anyway, knowing better than to fight it.

"What are you going to do?" He asked warily.

"I refuse to be friends with a walking, talking orange," she started rubbing the plant's juice on his exposed skin, "sorry, this might burn a little." He felt a ticklish heat at first, and the plant was doing a great job at turning his skin back to its normal shade. The tickle turned into an uncomfortable heat and then quickly shifted to a hot and painful burning sensation.

_I am never going to eavesdrop ever again, _he swore, holding back the tears in his eyes. His blonde "angel" let a giggle escape from her lips.

* * *

Rin was walking down to the classroom. He had forgotted one of his most favorite pencils on one of the desks, and there was no way in hell he was going to leave it behind. As he approached the class, he heard some hushed voices. Freezing, Rin tried to decide whether or not he should run. Last time he listened in on a secret conversation it had not ended well.

"So, Shiemi, what would be your most ideal date?" He heard a voice ask.

Eh, he could stop eavesdropping tomorrow.

* * *

**So guys, moral of the story: DON'T CHANGE WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL AWESOME THE WAY YOU ARE. AND YES, THE ALL CAPS IS TOALLY NECESSARY. **

**I feel like I used the phrase 'Tall, Dark and Handsome' wwwaaayyy too many times in this story. Sorry about that. But if you consider the fact that Rin can totally have a one track mind when it comes to these things, he was probably using the phrase as a mantra by the end of the story, so maybe it isn't too wierd?**

**Please, leave me a review telling me what you think of this story. Yes, no, disgusting, amazing, I really don't care as long as you tell me ****something****. Seriously, on all of my stories I have never gotten more than 12 reviews on one chapter, and it makes me a bit sad because I don't know what you guys think. **

**Plus, if you review, I will love you forever and you will be eternally amazing :)**

**Until next time, my wonderful friends!**

**-NeverMakesSense**


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